Monday, November 24, 2008

Being Riche Uncovers Other Problems.

I've always been one to snack at night. Something about having the kids finally abed after a long day. However, until recently, there wasn't much that was yummy in the house. Yummy in the junk food way.

However, these days I have plenty of money for processed and pre-prepared snacks. And in the last month--still not losing any weight--I figured out finally there's a name for eating until you're too full.
Duh: b i n g e     e a t i n g .

In fact, I think there's been examples of binge eating, binge sleeping, and binge reading in what I've been thinking of as my transition.

So, I thought about those three years in the middle of my motherhood experience so far, the three years when I was pre-baby slim. That time started when I lost weight without dieting, which I've never been able to explain. The "glory years" the now-teens don't want to hear about. And just now I realized those were the years I didn't snack at night, at all. I think of those years as being when I was so happy. Which is funny, because some of our most financially challenging years were in there, and one of my kids was drowning at school and I didn't know why. But I was making cheap art and taking belly dance, I had some friends to hang out with, and I was feeling my big feelings.

My life is absurdly easy now, right? Except that, duh, I don't feel happy all the time. I still have big feelings. Or at least, I suspect I do, under all my lectures to myself about how easy I have it, and how I have resources to address problems so there is no reason to get worked up about anything, and how I should not be disappointed (over the house that got away) or frustrated (that I can't find a place in the house to keep my sewing machine) or worried (about my kid facing some difficulty). Or unseemly happy.

No, I don't expect you to feel sorry for the poor little Riche Girl. But maybe, at times, maybe *I* better expect to feel something for her.

Because the stuffing of random food down my throat has got to stop.



Heidi Ashworth said...

LOVE the violins! Very nice touch. ;)

just another groupie said...

Wow--you really lay it out there. I like that.

I don't feel sorry, but I feel. One of the good things about the craziness of my life right now is I'm generally too busy or too buried to feel the big feelings. Denial is bliss.


b. said...

I don't think money buys happiness or takes away boredom.
Not that you're bored and/or unhappy...but when I think about becoming riche, as much as I would like certain things to change--somethings will always be the same.

(ugh! today's a rambly day. sorry.)

karen said...

Sometimes its thoses challenges (and the conquering thereof) that make us the happiest and most fulfilled. Get back in touch with your creativity, worry over the kids (that never ends), and if you want to wear boots, WEAR THE BOOTS! Your family will love you for it. You go, girl!

smart mama said...

oh i eat like that during cold new england winters reward for my suffering- oh my entitlement complex- i do it least when i am on painting or writing streaks- get thee to creativity

Amira said...

I hope binge reading isn't a bad thing.

Nouveau Me said...

Maybe reading shouldn't count as a binge.

However, the night I stayed up too late to finish a book, and then started another at 2 in the morning, that kind of looks binge-y.